My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize