Already got asked if we're dating
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
