it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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