this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
