She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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