i think my mom watched the whole time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk is not a location!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
