I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
