DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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