Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
