And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
