I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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