Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
