11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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