Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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