Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
