i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
