That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
