I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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