never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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