I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
