I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
