so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
