Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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