i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
