I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
