I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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