I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
