have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
