Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
