I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
