Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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