Already got asked if we're dating
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
