Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
