I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
