went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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