Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
