plz talk dirty to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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