what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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