even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
