My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
