i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
