At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
