Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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