I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize