Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
