U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
