im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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