I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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