Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
