she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
