mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
