I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
