never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm at about main and main street
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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