I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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