dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
