you traded sex for a burrito?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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