Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
