Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
