take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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