Pappa wants mamma naked
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
