you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
