I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
