its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
