Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
