Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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