My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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