he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize