Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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