trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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