Welp...herpes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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