You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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