1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
